Dear Parents,

The Surgeon General recently declared parental stress a national health crisis, a statement that resonates deeply with many of us. As a lactation consultant and a parent of three children myself, I want to acknowledge just how real and overwhelming the pressures of parenting can be. Parenting is hard. Really hard. If you’ve been feeling anxious, exhausted, or like you’re constantly juggling more than you can handle, please know you are not alone.

No stage of parenting is easy, but when my own children were small, I felt the same pressures so many of my clients feel today. I wanted to be the best parent I could be. I offered my children love, care, and attention at every turn. I followed attachment parenting principles, believing it was the best way to bond with my children and meet their emotional and physical needs. Unfortunately, doing so sometimes came at the expense of my own mental and physical well-being. I rarely took a break, constantly worried about whether I was doing things “right,” and frequently neglected my own needs. I know firsthand how relentless parenting can feel, especially when you’re trying to live up to expectations set by yourself or imposed by society.

One of the most valuable resources we have as parents is a community of support. It’s okay to ask for help when you are struggling. Reach out to family, friends, healthcare providers (including your amazing lactation consultant 😊), or local parenting groups. It can take some effort to build and find your people, but they are out there! No one is meant to navigate this journey in isolation. Asking for help doesn’t make you any less capable or loving as a parent. In fact, it shows strength and dedication to your family’s well-being.

The challenges we face as postpartum parents in the United States are often significantly amplified compared to other industrialized nations. Many countries prioritize comprehensive support for new mothers and their families. For example, we are the only industrialized county that does not offer paid maternity leave. Many countries offer up to year of paid leave, allowing parents adequate time to recover and bond with their newborns without financial stress. It’s common in many places for midwives to make regular home visits in the weeks following birth, providing clinical care for the mother and baby and emotional check-ins. Additionally, the cultural norm in many societies includes robust extended family support, where new mothers are cared for and nurtured by relatives, allowing them to rest and focus on their new baby. These practices show that these countries understand the profound physical and emotional needs new parents have after birth, something the U.S. really lacks.

Try to extend the same kindness and empathy to yourself that you show to your family. Remember you are worthy of care, too. One of my biggest regrets in early parenting is not realizing that taking care of myself was also modeling self-care and resilience for my children.

Whatever challenges you’re facing right now, you are doing enough. You are enough. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s idea of what parenting should look like. Your family is unique, and the choices you make should reflect what works for you. There’s so much advice out there about feeding, sleep routines, discipline, education, etc. It’s easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong when your choices don’t match what you hear is best. But as a parent, you are the expert on your child. You know what feels right and what doesn’t. Let your instincts guide you in making decisions that are best for your family.

We’re all doing the best we can with the resources and knowledge we have.

With empathy and understanding,

Leah Segura, BSW, IBCLC, and Parent